If your legs are restless, can’t sleep, high triglycerides, ready to quit
smoking, if you’ve experienced a heart attack or stroke due
to a completely blocked artery, when your current anti-depressant
alone isn’t enough, ask your doctor if OmniPill XR is right for you.
Do not take OmniPill before texting your ex, auditioning for musicals,
Febrezing the curtains, gauging cold rain, or heeding practical advice.
Women over 40 planning to adopt tsunami-orphaned teens from tropical
nations, or regretful transgendered men considering the scalpel twice
should tell their physician before taking OmniPill. In rare cases, confusion,
infections, dry cough, synesthesia, inability to stand or sit, thoughts of gratitude
or intense and terrifying daydreams may occur. OmniPill is not for everyone.
Simple tests will check for liver damage. To avoid diarrhea take with food.
Crying during skydiving could be a sign of potentially serious complications.
If you experience an erection lasting longer than four hours, congratulations.
—Brent Goodman, Rhinelander, WI