Latest Polls Show

[audio link]

82.7% of women still wait on their mates.
I fall into the 3% of Amazonian assertive
women prone to end life alone.
Government says there’s a 37%
indication I’ll die around 85—broke.
ARRP shows a 98% chance of being bitter
however, Vanity Faire projects I’ll be wearing
a cute pink bedjacket.
Democrats call because I fall into the 43%
of liberals who might have a dime to spare.
No one at the office speaks to me—not only a liberal,
but a member of a weird
religion—smack in the middle
of the 13% their preacher told them to avoid.
But I’m 95% sure of one thing
we’ve stopped thinking for ourselves
making us 100% ready for a fall.

—Michelle Hartman, Fort Worth, TX